Lyrical Review: R. Kelly

We’ve got a new category that should provide some fun.  It’s not overtly negative.  We’re just going to have a little fun with some lyrics.  We got the idea here.  The first installment of Lyrical Review is from R. Kelly.  This song, Real Talk, isn’t new (we see you 2007).  We were reminded about it the last few days from INLE commenter Dirty Sanchez.  It seemed like a good one for this category debut. 

Warning:  This is potentially the crudest thing INLE has ever posted, but we didn’t write the song.  We’re just examining the situation.

R. Kelly is pissed . . . and so is a current / soon to be ex-girlfriend that he’s on the phone with.  Yikes.

Do I know your friend who? At a club?
Who was there? Girl I wouldn’t
Wait a minute, calm down
I was at the club with who?
Get tha fuck…man, you know what?

Girl, I’m not about to sit up here and argue with you about who’s to blame
Or call no names, real talk
See girl, only thing im trying to establish with you is not
Who’s right or who’s wrong, but what’s right and what’s wrong,
Real talk
Just because your friend say she saw me at a club with some other bitches
Sitting in VIP smoking and drinking and kicking it, tell me girl

Oh, gracious.  It appears that a night out has gone downhill quickly for Kells.  It also appears time for some real talk.  That means no names . . . at least until later.  Then part of the real talk will include “calling names.”  Until then, we can only imagine the chivalrous and gentlemanly manners extended by Mr. Kelly while “smoking and drinking and kicking it” in the VIP.  Hope no one got peed on.

Did she say there were other guys there?
Did she say there were other guys there?
Were there other guys there?
Well, tell me this

How the fuck she knew I was with them other girls then
When the whole club packed wait a minute let me finish what I’ve got to say
I’ve been with you five years and you listening to your motherfucking girlfriends
I dont know why you fuck with them all jealous no man havin ass hoes anyway
Real talk

How did you know those girls were with me?  Fair point.  +1 for the man in the argument.  The club was packed after all, but that’s not enough to stop her from interrupting.  Five years?  By now he’s done something wrong if she still has “jealous no man havin ass hoes.”  That’s some real talk from Cazador. 

Always accusing me of some old bullshit when Im just trying to have a good time
Robert you did this, Kells I heard you did that

Dont you think i got enough bullshit on my mind
Real talk, hold hold up
Didnt I just give you money to go get yo hair, toes and nails done the other day, hmm
Yeah your ass was smiling then

Ah ha!  I’m just trying to have some good, clean fun with my friends and various clubgoers.  What’s your problem?!  Plus I’m’ really, really stressed out and I just want to make you happy by giving you money for hair, toes and nails.  Anything to make you smile, babe.  Keep all of this in mind while I’m out at the club without you. 

Real talk, oh
Gave who some damn money?
I aint gave nobody no damn money girl?
Is you tweakin’?
You see what your problem is,
You’re always running of at the mouth telling your girls your motherfucking business, when
They dont eat with us, they dont sleep with us, besides
What they eat don’t make us shit
Real talk

See when you show your love by spending money, things can pop off quickly when you have enough money for “lots of love.”  It certainly would encourage someone to “tweak.”  Now that we’re all tweakin’ on the stress, it seems like a good time to rip on the friends (again).  Oh.  Whoa!  What they eat certainly shouldn’t make you shit.  I mean there’s a way, but it’s very 2 Girls 1 Cupish.  You know the fights going good places when you use digestion as a metaphor. 

You call my mommas house and what?
Girl my momma aint gotta screen no calls for me

Momma?!  Fuck.  Yes.  This is going bad places in a hurry.  When the response to “friends” is “momma,” you may as well just hang up the phone and fight another time.  What’s that?  No?  Onward then.

Real talk, and watch your mouth
Fuck me? Girl fuck you!
I dont give a fuck about what you’re talking about
Im sick of this bullshit,  I’m coming home and getting my shit and gettin tha fuck up outta dodge

See?  Real talk appears to have devolved into the “realest talk.”  Everyone sounds like they’re getting REAL honest.  What are we arguing about now? 

You ain’t gotta worry about me no more
And the next time your ass get horny
Go fuck one of your funky ass friends
Hell, you probably doing that shit anyway

Again with the friends?  Perhaps if the “no man having ass hoes” would just get together with the “funky ass friends,” this relationship could blossom?  Oh, right.  She’s probably already tweakin’ with one her funky ass friends (but only when her ass get horny).  It’s so much clearer now.

You gonna burn what?
Bitch I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes
With your triflin ass, milton, you bogus girl, milton
Start your car, warm it up and get ready to take me home,
This bitch done lost her motherfucking mind

If she wanted to burn you, she’d have made a joke about you peeing on a teenager.  Wait . . . she’s actually going to set shit afire!  That’s playing for keeps (or getting “Left Eyed” /toosoon).  I can see how the name calling got started.  Start the car, but don’t you DARE think about taking me home before it’s warmed up.  The oil needs to heat to a specific temperature before accelerating AND I’m R. Kelly and I don’t ride in cold cars.  Oh . . . and my lady friend has gone off the ol’ deep end. 

At least he can keep warm next to all of his worldly belongings burning in the yard.


2 thoughts on “Lyrical Review: R. Kelly

  1. Davidson County Don Corleone says:

    Damn, that’s real talk. One.

  2. Dirty Sanchez says:

    Real Talk don’t play around. He should have called this song “When a Womans Fed Up Part 2, Go Fuck One Of Your Funky Ass Friends” Thats Real Talk.

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