Lyrical Review: Some Pretty Country Singer & Beer

There is a lot of great country music in the world, from all generations, to appreciate, to like, to love. Over the past . . . oh, I dunno . . . 15 years (?) things seem to have moved. They’ve more than “moved,” they’ve reformed. Not all that long ago the guys and gals that sang about beer and whiskey and fights and cheatin’ were entirely believable. Now? This guy’s singing about how much he loves beer.

Bull. Shit. We’ll get to the lies and deceit momentarily, but I wanted to make a larger point that seems to have affected the country music industry more than most (but it’s certainly affected all areas of mainstream music). Talent? Eh . . . no thank you. You talented, mindful, artistic types can hit the bricks. You’re no good to us. Less-talented, ditzy, no-meaningful-input singers of someone else’s songs? The line forms to the right. Thanks so much for coming.

Dammit, that makes me crazy. I’m just going to proceed with breaking down Billy “Abs” Currington‘s love song about a drink that usually makes people fat . . . and how much he loves it.

I wasn’t born for diggin deep holes
I’m not made for pavin long roads
I ain’t cut out to climb high line poles
But I’m pretty good at drinkin’ beer

The trend seems anti-climactically evident already. The suspense lasted approximately two lines. I think we can expect more things our subject “isn’t good at” or “wasn’t made for” to be followed by a clear understanding that they’re “pretty good” at beer consumption.

I’m not the type to work in a bank
I’m no good at slappin’ on things
Don’t have a knack for makin’ motors crank, no
But I’m pretty good at drinkin’ beer

I have no idea what “slappin’ on things” refers to, but I’m guessing it’s probably similar to “mashing” a button on something or “crankin'” a motor. I get the vernacular. I do. The root of my issue with it is that I don’t, for one second, believe the guy pictured above is the least bit credible in this space. Is there there a country equivalent to hip-hop’s “street cred?” I always thought street cred was over-stepping by the hip-hop community. This has me rethinking my approach.

So hand me one more
That’s what I’m here for
I’m built for having a ball
I love the nightlife
I love my Bud Light
I like ’em cold and tall

He’s here for one more. Thank God it’s just one . . . except that he means he’ll always have one more because he’s so very clearly built for having a ball, the nightlife and cold, tall Bud Lights. Whaaa? No. He’s built for Sears underwear modeling and not singing about Bud Light. Who the fuck says “having a ball” when talking about anything other than playful dogs, toddlers and old ladies?

I ain’t much for mowin’ thick grass
I’m too slow for workin’ too fast
I don’t do windows so honey don’t ask
But I’m pretty good at drinkin’ beer

“I’m too slow for workin too fast” makes me want to slam my head into a wall. And the next line is expected to work? Screw you, honey . . . and your windows. I’m just good at having a ball, drinking this beer and not shit else.

A go-getter maybe I’m not
I’m not known for doin’ a lot
But I do my best work when the weather’s hot
I’m pretty good at drinkin’ beer

Ah . . . You’re so country-laid-back by being non-chalant and understated about something that is clearly obvious. The irony is rich. You’re not known for doing jack shit except, allegedly, drinking beer . . . yet your physical appearance would imply that, at the very least, a few sit-ups have been arranged. When do we cover the physical trainer, trips to the stylist and chest hair mandscaping?

So hand me one more
That’s what I’m here for
I’m built for having a ball
I love the nightlife
I love my budlight
I like ’em cold and tall

I wasn’t born for diggin deep holes
I’m not made for pavin long roads
I ain’t cut out to climb high line poles
But I’m pretty good at drinkin’ beer
I’m pretty good at drinkin’ beer

Guess how it ended. Never saw it coming, did you? I understand the playful nature of the song. I get that it’s for all the people out there who feel like not doing anything except sitting around and drinking beer. That’s all well and good. But, dammit . . . occasionally I AM one of those people. I like to do nothing and, as it turns out, I am also pretty good at drinking beer. HOWEVER – as soon as I found out who was representing me in my quest for lazy, domestic light beer bliss in the halls of country music, I was ashamed. I’m going a long way to say this: I think the source of the material does matter. That’s all. When a 13 year-old sings about the pains of lost love, no one really pays attention. When the guy pictured above sings about lazy beer drinking, the same rule applies. We’re done now. I’m exhausted.

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One thought on “Lyrical Review: Some Pretty Country Singer & Beer

  1. […] school football (read:high school boys), Sugarland and their fake twang, now faux reggae sound, a ‘great’ song about lite beer, and the list goes on and […]

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