Do you ever look at an iTunes singles or album chart and just wonder to yourself
What the hell is going on?
That can be both a positive and/or negative question. I’ve reaffirmed my faith in the world based on the appearance of raw, actual talent that’s being consumed by the masses. Unfortunately, on most occasions I find myself discouraged and left to worry about our collective musical futures.
Prefaced as such, I thought it might be fun to check in over at iTunes* and see what’s being gobbled up and played at volume on repeat. We’ll do albums, singles, specific genres (perhaps) . . . you know . . . whatever provides something original. Inaugural Frosted Pop Chart goes now:
Top Songs / All iTunes
1. Teenage Dream, Katy Perry – Suggestions of teenage sex and running away in the first minute? And everyone gives the tobacco companies a hard time for subtlely marketing their products at kids. Geez. Kids are gonna get it on when they want. They’re gonna want to run away, too. Katy Perry won’t be the reason, for sure . . . but if she’s going to half-way condone these things, can we at least find something less monotone and chanty?
2. Just the Way You Are, Bruno Mars – High school sophomores all over America will be undressing to this song (see above). Unfortunately, the song is awful and if anyone ever dedicated this to you, they can’t be trusted.
3. Dynamite, Taio Cruz – Just a 18 and over club banger. This is your typical Friday afternoon, drive-time, radio DJ’s wet dream. “Hey there, Friday afternoon on the roads heading HOME! Taio Cruz and everyone here at The Star Beat Q Power 94.1 wishing you all a dynamite weekend, y’all!”
Yuck-yuck, d-bag. I see what you did there. Damn. It.
4. DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love, Usher feat. Pitbull – Let’s be clear. “Usher, usha, usha” at the beginning of any Usher song makes it 1000x better. I find joy in it. That said, in the pantheon of somewhat enjoyable Usher songs, this one’s made mostly of fail . . . and that’s all before Pitbull makes a bigger f’n mess.
5. Love the Way You Lie, Eminem feat Rihanna – I’m pretty sure that if INLE recorded a rap song and got Rihanna to sing on it, we’d have a decent chance of it becoming a hit (b-t-dub, we’d call it Nuclear Waist: ‘Dem Pants Won’t Fit). Love the Way You Lie, however, has the significant advantage of Eminem taking the lead. Maybe he’s not what he once was (I’m honestly not sure one way or the other), but I still – after all these years – find a way to be impressed.
6. Take It Off, Ke$ha – A song blatantly using “There’s a place in France where the naked ladies dance?” Really? Shit. A whole in the wall where the men can see it all? This just happened? Did the recording of this song actually take place under the supervision of someone or was it just some drunk 13 year-old (/brosicedbros) rambling in her presence? Take it off? Sure . . . take it off whatever it’s playing on.
8. I Like It, Enrique Iglesias feat Pitbull – Um. No. Just no.
9. Mine, Taylor Swift – Better be careful here for fear of inviting the wrath of crazed tweens and teens. One question. I wonder how it sounds live? <insert Kanye West joke here>
10. Magic, B.o.B. feat Rivers Cuomo – Dammit. I don’t recall the last time I was so conflicted on whether or not to get behind a new artist. One might think the inclusion of a legit rocker like Rivers Cuomo might push me into “oh, B.o.B., you might be alright.” It doesn’t. I don’t like it. I can’t help it. As much as I might try (and honestly I haven’t tried THAT hard), it’s not working. I can’t force it.
To conclude, we go way, way down the entire list of iTunes top singles to find something we’d want to share. Couple of caveats, 1 – I’m not going to use anything posted too recently (Cee Lo, Kid Cudi, Mumford & Sons are all included) and 2 – I may skip otherwise sufficient stuff because the mood’s not right (turn the lights down, please). We found this one residing at #123.
Be patient. For now. Sabali.