Aside from knocking on the doors of Jehovah’s Witnesses to go trick-or-treating this weekend (IRONY!), we’ll also be filling the air with excellent tunage. I usually hate lists, but the times require this one. Get fat, kiddos.
Cazador Halloween Candy Ranking:
- Snickers – Cause it’s just SO bad for you that you have to love it.
- Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup – The combination is tough to beat, we like it simple. It’s the bass guitar and drums of candy.
- Starburst – If your candy corn syrup treat doesn’t result a phlegm attack at the top of your throat, you’re eating the wrong thing. Yeah, we see you too, Skittles.
- Mr. Goodbar – I might like to name a pet Mr. Goodbar…or a child. The name is enough, the tastiness inside is purely bonus.
- Pixy Stix – Other candies have all these “ingredients.” Out of the way, other shit, this straw full of flavored sugar is coursing directly to the part of me that stays up all night and sings loud.
HONORABLE MENTION: M&Ms of any kind, Mounds, Gummi anything and essentially anything else that’s not candy corns. Gross. The little nasty nuggets are bad enough, but if you show up at the mothership’s door with your pillowcase three-quarters full AND dressed as a candy corn? You could get punched. Even you, little girl. Real talk.
Enough about candy. Holidays are usually easy for finding sounds, so we’ll get into it now. Here’s a few that have some relation in name, content or artist to this tooth-rotting, gut busting holiday. INLE sending out wishes for a safe and happy Halloween. Just not for you, candy corn. Ugh.